For some weird fucking reason, I was bombarded with a bunch of teen anti-pregnancy propaganda while about to catch the train to go to work today.
The tips they are giving these promiscuous horny sluts are ( in my opinion ) not the most effective. Most of them deal with some sort of psychological mind game along the lines of "Ask yourself if this is the person you love" or "Is he meaningful enough to share an intimate moment with". Yeah, that's as effective as using Q-tips during a diarrhea attack.
We cannot blame teenagers from wanting to fuck. Their hormones are flaring like a pack of hemorrhoids in the middle of a sweaty summer heat wave.
Teenagers will fuck and we won't be able to stop them from fucking. Period. The media doesn't help either, manipulating their content and advertisements filling them with sex and innuendoes to get these kids to buy shit they don't need.
So I thought about doing a simple list of teen anti-pregnancy tips without all the politically correct bullshit these non-profit community service organizations have to go through to get some message across. Let's be fucking honest here and straight forward tell it like it fucking is. Period. No bullshit.
Open your fucking eyes assholes and read thoroughly.
Yes, I'm talking to you female "Teens" ( and the rest of you other promiscuous female adults ). The next tips will save you time, money and problems arising from not being responsible with your own body.
Tip # 1: First, the obvious ones. Use condoms + birth control.
Carry fucking condoms with you, everywhere. Even when you go to fucking church. Yeah, YOU should carry the condoms. Don't you EVER count on a guy carrying those shits because guys don't like to use condoms.
Sure, they are very uncomfortable, but they will save you from getting STDS and also they will not allow sperm to get inside your vag. Hopefully you know what happens when sperm gets inside that vag BTW, otherwise you need to close this fucking page and talk right away to your legal guardians. Tell them to explain to you "how you came to this world". ALSO: If you are able to video tape that talk would be awesome. Put that shit up in Youtube.
Now, if you don't want to use condoms, be aware you are opening the window to STDs. Some nasty ones too. Like these ones right here:
( Yes, they sell them )
Besides that, birth control is another reasonable choice. However, I recommend to start taking birth control once you have a steady companion and you know he will be the only one with access to your insides.
Birth control isn’t gonna save you from AIDS or some other serious STDs which kill you, so don’t laugh it off. This is some serious bullshit. You can fucking die from this shit, so wake the fuck up sweetheart.
Tip # 2: Don't feel pressured to fuck.
Guys have 2 things in their mind all the time. Eating and fucking. That's it. We want to be full and we want to get laid, besides that, everything else is secondary. Power, money, status, fame.... all those things are just tools to put food on our plates and put a fine piece of ass on our beds.
Whoever your "date" , "man", "squeeze", "BF", "vampire" ( twilight ) whatever the fuck you call it these days... whoever he is.... , sooner or later he will insinuate he wants to be "a little more serious" with you. When a guy tells you he "wants to get serious with you" it basically means he wants 2 things: Foreplay and Intercourse.
Most people in this world are not ready to have sex at all during their teenage years. Their urges to get laid usually are not quite developed to the point of having actual intercourse. Teens feel "afraid" to cross that line simply because as humans we fear the unknown.
A teen can be completely informed about how to fuck, when to fuck, even techniques on how to be sexually stimulating, but when the time comes to do it... there might be a certain intimidation which leads to embarrassment and even disappointment in oneself. This is completely normal. You are not being a "pussy" by admitting you "couldn't do it". ( Just don’t tell that shit to anyone unless you want to be called a “pussy” though )
If you are not comfortable opening up your legs to a guy who is being too pushy to get into your puss, just let him know you are "not ready". If this guy starts a shitfit about it, then he is being a complete asshole.... but that might be just his hormones talking also. There’s 3 ways to get out of this fucked up situation, read carefully:
A - Become a blow job/hand job queen: If you want to keep this guy around but you don’t feel comfortable fucking him yet, let him know you understand his pain and give him some relief by blowing the living shit out of him. It’s only fair. A blow job with full stops usually lasts about 15 minutes without any talking/smoking/drinking/texting breaks. Signs you might be doing something wrong can be easily spotted by realizing you are performing less than 15 minutes. Start by figuring out which area you are not licking/sucking/drooling/spitting/gaging on enough. Remember that a blow job works exactly like propaganda videos: “repetition is key”.
Make sure you understand that a blow job and a hand job go together in the situation you are in. Why? In front of you, you got a guy who needs his dick pampered. He chose you as a sexual partner and he had the balls to ask you for pussy. You are denying him access to your privates, so a feeling of rejection is already hurting his ego. Let him know it’s not him, but it is you the one with the issue. What better way than helping him out to relieve that tension than to letting this guy face fuck you? Along with some hand action. You know, something proper. Kinda like when you go to a wedding, you know you have to bring a gift.
If you pull this off, this guy will wait patiently for about close to a year. Sorry sweetheart, but if this guy hasn’t gotten inside you after dating your ass for a year, then he is completely deserving of having the freedom to dump your ass and get his fuck on somewhere else.
B - Anal anyone? Some religions out there completely prohibit girls from fucking until they get married. Some religions even condemn any kind of “banter” between members of the opposite sex until they tie the knot. If you are one of those girls stuck in such a bullshit deal with your parents’ culture, then you have the choice of getting some dick action, just not through the “usual” methods.
Your asshole works as a good alternative when being stuck in a “non-pussy” offering situation. Just make sure you have enough lube around unless you are open minded about the spit-fest your ass will become in a period of around 5 minutes before you see any thrusting action.
Some girls have mentioned in the past that anal sex hurts a lot. I ain’t gay, so I wouldn’t know how that feels and trust me when I tell you that I ain’t trying to find out either.
If anal sex hurts you, you can train little by little with dildos and other sexual artifacts that porn shops sell. If you ain’t old enough to enter a sex shop, then ask your older best friends to acquire these products for you. There’s all sizes of dildos, but for your training you need to start small. Don’t get those horse-like oversized fist looking dildos since most likely they will damage something inside or outside your ass. Then, when your guy is in the need of some ass, let him have your ass, literally. Now, I ain’t saying you will enjoy it as much as you would enjoy having regular intercourse... but it will give you some leeway until you feel your religion is comfortable with your privates being used for what they are designed for.
C - Call the police: If this guy is getting beyond pushy, he is being inappropriate. Call the cops on his ass and teach him that “no means no”. Unless you are one of those girls that says “no” she really means “yes”. Then it gets all confusing. Better get a good lawyer either way.
It’s a good idea also to tell someone at all times where you are going. Not specifically your parents, but at least a close friend. Hormones can get the best out of some guys sometimes and they will come close to thinking about doing stupid shit which will get them in legal trouble at some point. Specially when dealing with a blue balls setting like this one. A good can of mace can help you get the fuck out of “about-to-cross-legal-lines” situations. What kind of situations? Murder, rape and variations of those. Nothing good.
Also, it’s important to point out that if you are under the age of 18 ( or 17 in some states ) you cannot legally fuck anyone older than you. So basically if you are under the legal age of intercourse and someone older is being pushy, he is breaking the law and you should consider getting off your back and asking this guy if your vagina is worth going to jail for. If he says “yes”, then get the fuck out of the room because this guy isn’t using his fucking brain, he is letting his cock make decisions for him. Call the cops if he obstructs your way out. Scream if he doesn’t allow you to make the call. If he gets physical and starts forcing himself on you, I suggest for you to pretend you are finally comfortable with fucking him and start by giving him oral. When he is relaxed and his mind is cloudy, go for a sucker punch to the balls and while he is in pain, head the fuck out of the room.
Good luck.
Tip # 3: Don’t drink and fuck.
Most teenagers aren’t the best of drinkers. It’s understandable, you’re a fucking kid, you aren’t allowed to legally drink yet. Regardless, everyone knows teenagers are the heaviest and most reckless drinkers of all. Something about not being legally allowed to do something at that age sparks a mind altering desire to search for alcohol and consume it... in large quantities, because you are “proving to your friends you are not a -pussy-”... right?. Also, if you are not legally allowed to drink yet, your “bar” is the house party around the corner.
The problem is that most guys know that when you have a couple of drinks in you, then your legs will proportionally open up. 75% of guys at a bar/house party are always hoping for this scenario to happen, that they get to talk to the girl who had a “little too much to drink” and she feels very touchy feely and all that bullshit. Then the wild stallion will conquer at the nearby motel/bathroom/backseat of a car/garage... or even a local playground. Motherfuckers don’t respect shit.
We are trying to not let you get pregnant here, so the best of advice would be to tell your friends to keep an eye on you while you down those patron shots. Your pussy goes in auto-pilot the moment the alcohol hits your brain. Tell your friends to take the wheel of this train wreck. You know how spiderman has that “spidey sense”? All of us men have a spidey sense for spotting drunk girls about to offer vagina to the next guy they have a conversation with. Spotting them and closing the deal on them however is a completely different game. Guys will fuck drunk girls depending on their own morals. I have a quick rule of thumb regarding fucking while drunk: If I get progressively drunk with them while this whole situation takes place, then it’s fair game. Because you both are consensually driving that train into it’s wreck, and if she is riding it along with you it’s because she wants it, unless this girl is totally clueless about where drinking, flirting and touchy-feely approaches end up in. Then I'm letting you know right now girls: Drinking and flirting with a guy most of the times ends up in sex, so if you think you won’t put out then don’t waste this asshole’s time and let him try to get laid with someone else who is open for business. Don’t hog a cock you can’t fuck. There’s plenty of girls out there who need their dose of weekly dick and get drunk at the bar for a reason, to be spotted and carried to the nearest place where they can lay on their backs. Let them have the dick you are selfishly keeping in a jar.
Getting high applies to the same situations mentioned here. Only difference is that you’ll have even less control over your pussy while the drugs are clouding up your judgements. If you want some “responsible” advice, here it is: don’t do drugs. If you “must”, then don’t do drugs alone with a guy who you know wants to “get to know you better”, because you will only hear from him again when he answers the phone right before you tell him he’s about to be a fucking father.
Tip # 4: Don’t watch porn in a group.
So a couple of friends have invited you to their house and everyone is having a great time. Then somehow, someone has decided to showcase some pornography on a screen in the room you are hanging out in. Now everyone’s attention is focused on this screen and the mood in the room has changed. If the porn is allowed to keep rolling and everyone is still focused on it for a period longer than 30 minutes, you are potentially in the middle of an orgy about to happen.
Orgies usually don’t practice safe sex. Plus, think about someone getting pregnant after 6 dicks were inside of you the same day. Not even Maury will be able to help you with this one.
A guy usually cannot keep his hands to himself ( or from himself ) after watching porn for a period longer than 5 minutes. Think of him inside a room with girls after 30 minutes of exposure to this material. It’s almost like taking a pedophile to a children’s pageant. How long you think this guy is gonna be able to control himself?
If you willingly agreed to continue watching porn in a group, then you must know where this is going to end up. Either in group sex or a one on one session with the horniest guy in the group.
My suggestion: if you don’t want to get pregnant, leave. Otherwise, stay and suffer the consequences. Think about your parents. Think about that painful birth. Think about the nights you won’t be able to sleep because of the baby crying. If you cannot comprehend how annoying is a night time crying baby because you’ve never been exposed to the situation ever, just imagine having a pack of rabid hungry dogs barking the whole fucking night. Doesn’t sound so good does it? Don’t watch porn in a group. Period.
Tip # 5: Don’t play “truth or dare”, EVER.
Anyone who has played “truth or dare” before, knows exactly why they played it. They wanted to engage in some sort of sexual advance from the person they were trying to “dare”.
If you’ve never played “truth or dare” before, let me fill you in on what the game is about. You gather a group of people you find sexually attractive and then one by one you ask them if they want to tell you the truth about a question you ask ( hand on “holy book” and a sworn statement makes the game a little more interesting ). If they don’t want to do it, then you tell them they gotta “dare” to do something, which calls in to ask for sexual advances. Teens usually go for the little stuff like “french me” or some shit like that. However, quickly once you’ve worked through the easy stuff, you can ask for more skin on skin activities. The game was basically designed to get you fucking someone you never wanted to fuck to begin with, because those are the rules of the game. You have to DO what they DARE you to do. Otherwise you are a fucking loser.
I happen to be a very big supporter of this game. It has gotten me laid before and/or close to get laid to the point where I only need a second date to close the deal. Surprisingly, people seem to respect the rules and there isn’t much of a hesitation against uncomfortable hook ups ( hottest girl & ugliest guy situations are common. Good news for socially impaired people).
Basically, this isn’t a good game to play if you’re in a quest to not fertilize one of the eggs in your reproductive system. So, by all means girls, do not engage in this fucking game, because literally that’s what it is, a fucking game. It is also known to be encouraging of gang-bangs.
You know, republicans have a big problem with abortion. All I did here if you think about it, is to try to prevent republicans getting pissed off about fetuses being destroyed. However, the problem is not at the abortion clinics. In the clinic they already know what happened..... , your teen opened her fucking legs without thinking about the future. The clinic is just trying to repair a problem. The problem being: kids fucking. You can help solve this problem by telling them the previous 5 tips. They are guaranteed to stop premature impregnation by 75% ( the other 25% contains rape, sexual abuse by relatives, artificial insemination, hermaphrodites, “miracles” -see Virgin Mary- and freak births ).
